RIP Triggers

God recently shared a picture with me that was so powerful and full of hope for those that have been wondering whether they will ever be set free from their past pain and triggers.

He showed me a garden that had been transformed from a graveyard. I first saw the graveyard—it was peppered with crosses marking the various graves. But each grave was a hopeful place, a place of restoration and freedom–because what had actually been laid to rest were the triggers that had tormented His beloved for years.

I felt God saying, “I am laying to rest your triggers, so that you can finally move on with your life.”

I saw His beloved carefully patting down the dirt on top of each grave, smoothing it out as a symbolic picture of closure, honoring the pain, and reconciling with their past. And then His beloved dusted off their hands and started to walk away with Jesus, towards their future, towards the fulfilling place of living life without the torment and triggers of the past.

And then I saw the garden begin to grow in the very land that had once been a graveyard. And the flowers were completely uninhibited. They grew plentifully, brightly, and they soared taller than any garden I’d ever seen. The garden was so robust, so full of life, and yet the seedbed for that huge expansion and forward thrust of life was the graveyard of past pain and triggers.

And the garden was the recompense of the Lord–the justice of God.

And He wants His beloved to know that He has not forgotten about you. He will not leave you stranded and alone in a graveyard of pain. He IS taking you to that expanded place of vitality and enjoyment of life once again.

He is laying to rest your triggers. Laying to rest the ruminating places of past pain.

Restoration is coming. Redemption is at hand. 💙

“The Lord works righteousness and justice for all who are oppressed.” (Psalm 103:6)


Dreams aka God’s Conversation Starters


God often reparents me while I am dreaming. I have misperceptions about Him just like everybody else in the world. No one really escapes from the incorrect forming of beliefs that come as a result of life experience or pain. We all got em, basically.

And if you think YOU’RE the exception to the misperception rule, then you’ve ESPECIALLY got em.

But it’s been fascinating to look in retrospect at some of the ways that He has corrected my misperceptions about His nature. God uses just about anything to re-father me, to reteach me the things about Him that I never learned growing up. All of the truth that got missed through my own natural experience with parenting, He is now fiercely intentional about reteaching me and getting me back up to speed.

He uses a lot of ways to do this, but my absolute favorite tool that God uses to reparent me is through His use of dream metaphors.

God has definitely blown up some of my biggest misbeliefs, deceptions, and strongholds through His interactions with me in my sleeping hours. I know that I’m often too busy during the day to hear Him, so using my dreams is a way to gently hack my firewall and go straight to my heart. Dreams are powerful.

We actually sleep 1/4th of our lifetime, so why wouldn’t God want to communicate with us during our night watches? I think of nighttime as the prime real estate of the heart.

But yah, God’s funny with His use of dream metaphors with me and the symbolic people He uses to speak into my life. He does occasionally surprise me with a new cast appearance, but for the most part I’ve become very familiar with my own dream instruction crew.

I have a handful of dream regulars that God uses to counsel and help me.

I know when certain women pop into my dreams that they represent various aspects of the Holy Spirit speaking into my life. One usually brings comfort. One brings spiritual instruction or counsel.

He uses friends a LOT in my dreams too—they usually represent Jesus’ role in my life as a friend or brother. And I can often tell from the context of the dream or the friendship represented what aspect of my life He is currently helping me with or speaking into.

God also regularly casts a few select men into my dreams to speak into my life from the Father’s perspective. These are some of my favorite dreams because they have been so spiritually watering over the years. I used to have a HUGE father deficit in my life. Though I did have a natural father, I didn’t grow up having the fatherly counsel or spiritual instruction that I really needed.

So God is filling in those missing father pieces now.

One of these men is usually a context clue that God’s message relates to my inner healing journey. So I know when he pops into my dreams that God is usually sharing something with me about my heart or spiritual restoration. Another man continually gets cast into my dreams whenever the Father is radically shifting my paradigms or exposing a false belief that I have about His nature. I’m usually at a seminar in these dreams because God is trying to TEACH me something or correct me.

Usually it’s a combination of both; I’m learning and being corrected at the same time. God IS the ultimate multitasker.

One dream years ago showed me that I was scared of intimacy with the Father. That dream then propelled me onto a long journey of discovering how to have intimacy with God.

Another dream years back showed me that I was only able to engage with God in the positive emotions, but that I had a severe deficiency when it came to interfacing with Him in anything painful. I’d put a positive spin on things again and again. It revealed pockets of denial in my life. And once I realized what it meant, I was then able to partner with that catalytic dream for more healing growth.

Nowadays I think of dreams as conversation starters that God initiates. The question then becomes: Am I willing to engage with God here? Am I willing to lean into the conversation?

Because that is what those two aforementioned dreams were all about: Was I willing to engage with God in the particular conversation that was on His heart? Was I willing to lean into the weak areas of my heart that He was revealing and let Him heal me through a process of growth and engagement?

I did…eventually. But it took me years of having dreams before I even realized that God was speaking to me, and then even more years afterwards to learn my own dream vocabulary and cadences with God.

Those two particular dreams became God’s conversation starters that turned into major growth projects. But not all of them become these big things. Some God dreams are meant to bring more minor adjustments, like the time that my chiropractor showed up in my dream and shared his perspective with me on a specific area of my life.

That dream gifted me with a much-needed perspective shift. It brought me back into spiritual alignment and I woke up feeling so much better.

I had a funny one awhile back where the God character in my dream was developmentally slow. The dream metaphor was helpful because it actually showed me that I thought God was too slow. The dream then went on to show me that my flawed perspective led to my own striving, because I thought I had to figure things out without His help.

Another dream metaphorically showed me that I thought I had to TELL God what I needed—like He didn’t already know what was best for me lol.

And so God’s parenting goes on and on. I’m certain it’s going to continue until the day that I die. I will never NOT need His counsel, His healing, His nurturing love. And each dream is a gift that I try to savor. He parents me in the daytimes too, but His nighttime counsel will probably always be my favorite.

Solomon received his wisdom upgrade in a dream, after all. And I’m open to any and all dream expansion that the Father wants to bring.


“He speaks in dreams, in visions of the night, when deep sleep falls on people as they lie in their beds. Then He opens the ears of men, and seals their instruction, that He may turn man aside from his conduct, and keep man from pride; he keeps back his soul from the pit, his life from perishing by the sword” (Job 33:15-18).

Respecting Denial


It’s really hard to talk to someone who already knows everything—much less help them. People are entitled to their own lenses of denial. I’ve actually learned to respect them over time, because if someone doesn’t want to do the hard work to get unstuck, there’s not much I can do to help them. Other than pray of course. Continue reading

BREAKING UP with 2017


Dear 2017,

I’m breaking up with you but I hope we can still be friends. Your season in my life has finally come to a close. I do recognize and honor the productive part you played in my life, but I’ve met someone else—a new year, 2018 to be exact, and I’m ready for a change in scene. But don’t worry—I’ll NEVER forget you. You will be a part of my heart forever. Continue reading

Just Call Me Jacob

IMG_0123I’m gonna be brutally honest—I’ve ALWAYS been really good at striving. For as long as I can remember, I’ve been awesome at figuring out ways to finagle life to get what I wanted. And that biblical picture of Jacob grabbing onto God’s heal is my metaphorical picture for the way I used to live my life.

I carry that symbolic picture with me now in my mental wallet—a reminder of what NOT to do. It’s the picture of the old me, the old man, the one that wrestled and struggled through life SO afraid. Continue reading