I have such mixed feelings about having to move. On the one hand, my spirit is cheering: “YAY! New land! New house! New possibilities on the horizon!” And on the other hand, my soul is clamoring with a plethora of mixed emotions.
I definitely feel sadness. I’ve loved it here.
This property has been seriously refreshing in its land dynamics for our family. God told me through a dream before we moved here that this house would be our Shimita Land—and He was absolutely right. Shimita references the 7th year in Hebrew culture. The Shimita year was a God-mandated Hebrew tradition back in Biblical times, where every 7th year the Israelites were required to rest their land and NOT to work their fields. The Shimita year was a sort of prequel to the future sabbaticals that people would take in more modern times.
It was a time for people AND land to regroup, heal, and rest.
I love it so much that God CARES about the need for rest in our lives. He purposefully created a whole day of the week for us to rest—not that most people actually take it. But He WAS intentional to tell us: “Hey! You guys need to rest on a regular basis. Oh—and your land needs to rest too.”
It mattered to God and it surprisingly ended up mattering to us too.
Incidentally, God was right about this house being our Shimita Land. It would become a refreshing and RESTFUL sanctuary for us after leaving our previous house and accompanying season of extreme busyness—a time that was full of birthing and raising small children. The new Shimita house ended up being a perfect place for us to decompress and disengage for a few years. It has still been busy—that dynamic kind of comes with having four children and two dogs, but rest HAS been a huge component as well.
Our Shimita Land has nourished our souls in ways that I can’t fully quantify.
Another funny nuance about our time here in Shimita Land is that it lasted three years. Even in that detail, there is a Biblical link. God used to provide 3 years of food ahead of time for the Israelites in anticipation of the Shimita year, so that they’d have enough to live on during the 6th, 7th, and 8th years.
Our time here has been FULL of metaphorical tie-ins like that.
Just the nature aspects alone have been soothing. Our backyard has bordered a plush green golf course with mountains behind it in the distance. I’ve got a thing for mountains. I’ve treasured watching the sunrises every morning from my bedroom window, as well as the two hawks that live in the tree behind our house. I’m totally going to miss stargazing from my balcony at night and marveling over God’s immensity. I’m going to miss the crickets and frogs’ joyful symphony and serenade.
I’m also going to miss my lake. It’s actually the neighborhood lake—but it FEELS like mine. I’ve made good friends with the chatty ducks that live there, as well as the quirky little mud hens, paranoid turtles, and the flighty cranes.
I’m seriously going to miss the conversations with my little friends.
Besides feeling sad, I also feel anxious. On the one hand, I work well under pressure. But on the other hand, I DETEST having so many responsibilities falling on just my shoulders all at one time. Especially since I can’t pause normal life responsibilities.
Everything that usually occupies my daily life STILL needs to get done, but now I also have to figure out a way to cram in other activities like finding boxes, cleaning out our possessions, packing boxes, and searching for a new home.
I think I’d rather be taking my yearly trip to Colorado to visit friends. Yep—I’m DEFINITELY overdue there.
I wish I DIDN’T have to think about the ortho appointments, carpool planning, school functions, and homework that I still have to facilitate. Not to mention the fact that our finances are seriously trashed at the moment—they are the worst they’ve ever been. And now we need to throw in moving expenses? In the natural, it just sounds like a terrible idea.
It seems like the WORST time to move.
But God KNEW all of these details before we did. He knew how bad it would look in the natural for us and He wanted to assure me that it would be okay. So He actually prepared me ahead of time, the night BEFORE we got our landlord notification, by giving me a dream. That dream told me that our family needed to move.
I was SO thankful for the heads-up—not to mention that the dream itself was such a rich experience. In the dream, I looked around our home and savored the memories that we made. I also anticipated good things for the future.
God knew that I needed His confirmation ahead of time. He knew unexpected BIG changes were not easy for me.
And in general, moving is NOT my favorite activity. I’ve moved twice while pregnant, twice with a newborn, and our last moving experience nearly did me in. We had to completely move out of one house and into another one all in the same day. No margin for error or breaks.
This will be the seventh move for our family.
BUT … I’m believing for a different experience with this next move. I’m believing for God to show up in even bigger ways than He did the last time. My faith and trust in His strategic interventions grew HUGE during the last moving process. The way He stepped in and shuffled things around to work on our behalf was incredible. So I expect my trust to deepen still more in this next move of faith.
All of that to say, I’m feeling excited too.
It’s not just negative emotions. I also feel curiosity, intrigue, and elpis—which is hopeful expectation of good (in Greek).
So far, God has only given me a few directions for this process. He keeps telling me:
1) To keep my eyes and ears open and stay flexible
2) That HE is in charge of timing
3) That WE are in charge of preparation.
So I’m doing my due diligence: I’ve got a growing stack of boxes in my garage; I’m trying to fix the small things that my crazy dogs have broken; and my hubby is working with a loan department to see if we can qualify to buy. It may or may not work out. So many things are still up in the air, so we are just waiting and preparing.
And as we wait, I’m trying to steep myself in the BIGNESS of God. Because the bigger that He becomes inside of me and my limited understanding, the smaller this move seems.