Control Addict


Control gets old after a while—whether it’s allowing someone else to control your life or trying to control other people or situations. I’ve experienced both. But no matter how hard I’ve TRIED to control things, I just can’t seem to get that elusive ball in the hole. My trajectory gets skewed every time if I’m trying to PLAY GOD.

I was never meant to play God.

I was meant to partner with God, to embrace His agenda and where He is going–which means I HAVE to surrender this bad boy of control. I can’t serve both. And if God is going to use me to any great degree, I know that this idol has to die.

It’s been a LONG process for me—not instantaneous. Christianity often propagates a lot of ideas that growth and healing CAN be these microwave, quick light-switch moments of instant deliverance. God is sovereign and DOES often do supernatural healings. But more often than not, walking with God is usually defined by time, process, and following His sequences for growth. Growth takes TIME—everything in Creation testifies to this.

The greatest fruit in my life has come from embracing productive pain and leaning into whatever God brings before me as the next dot in His connect-the-dot sequences. I’ve stopped fighting Him and just leaned in.

For years now, I’ve battled control—learning to release people and situations into God’s hands and trusting that He KNOWS what He is doing. I’ve also had to work to get out from other people’s thumbs and agendas for my life—people that I’ve passively allowed to dictate some portion of my life or time.

I think one of my greatest sources of freedom has come from realizing two things:

1) I truly cannot CONTROL anything (I can only believe the deception that I do.)

2) Other people aren’t meant to control me either.

I’ve realized over time that God ALWAYS gives us choices and that any community or person that is trying to force me or manipulate me into doing ANYTHING—should hopefully make me pause and reassess the situation.

And as I’ve leaned into getting free from CONTROL, darned if God didn’t send me a MILLION different people trying to control, manipulate, or pressure me to fulfill their agenda for some portion of my life. I can only laugh that’s He’s facilitating my healing and growth in such a way. But He’s cool like that. I’ve needed tons of practice. This process has put a strength in my soul—an assertiveness that wasn’t there before. And He’s been teaching me how to season all these things, including boundaries and assertiveness—with grace, honor, and kindness.

Control is a nasty little bugger. Manipulation can be SO subtle. But I’m starting to see clearer through the matrix.

God’s end game is always transformation, redemption, glory to glory, strength to strength, and greater freedom. And those that get free, God then uses to lead others into those same areas of victory.

GOT PAIN? Get ready to lean into it and let God heal and grow you out of it.

GOT VICTORY? Get ready to be used.




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