God corrected me yesterday through the words of a friend who didn’t even know at first that her mouth had been hijacked. It was so great to watch. I knew as soon as the words poured out of her mouth that they were the Father’s loving course-correction for me.
He actually piggy-backed her words on top of a previous conversation with another friend that had occurred months back. I was so familiar with Him doing this, and with knowing the way that He continues conversations with me over time that I immediately knew His heart and intent with the gentle rebuke.
The words that flowed out of my friend’s mouth were few but powerful. They spoke to the treasure within me and called it to come OUT. And God used symbolic interaction to set the whole thing up and prepare me, so that I was in a place to hear what He wanted to say.
He knows that’s my favorite way for Him to get my attention.
It all started at a leadership seminar that I attended with some fellow leaders from my church. The room was comprised of a wide variety of people from multiple cities and venues. All of us were gathered into one big fluorescent room for two jam-packed days of challenging information that had the potential to lead to our transformations. It was up to us whether to actually engage our hearts. Each of us could have easily walked away unchanged at its conclusion, still holding onto our previous areas of stuckness.
Thankfully, most of us wanted the fruits of transformation badly enough that we were willing to engage in some pain to get there.
I chose to dive right in. I WANTED my stuck areas to move. I wanted desperately to grow into the big person that God created me to be. And for the most part, I chose to engage and make myself vulnerable in front of the group during the length of the seminar. I chose to ignore the possible ways that people might be judging me and my life in favor of finding the missing pieces that I craved for my own transformation.
However…I did have ONE piece of personal kryptonite in the room with me during those two days—something that destabilized me and caused me continual pain.
My kryptonite was something that I was WELL aware of and determined to heal and grow through, but I had to wrestle my way through the dynamics of it that weekend. And the wrestling match’s goal was to determine one thing:
Would I stay big in this temporary community or would I allow the kryptonite pressure to make me smaller?
I’d say in my life in general that I choose bigness—that I walk with a pretty-honest awareness of who I am in God and what I carry. I’m no longer stuck in false humility nor self-deprecation. And pride isn’t usually my go-to sin either. I think my default coping mechanism in times of insecurity or challenges is just to get really, really small and hide. To cloak my glory. To hide my light under a basket.
Definitely my default.
And so on this particular day, I realized that I was feeling smaller that I usually did—that I wasn’t challenging myself in my bigness. I recognized it. And I TOTALLY knew why. It was the kryptonite. And I knew that I knew that I knew that I had a choice of whether to stay in my smallness and hide, or whether to purposefully shine the light and the glory that the Father had placed within me. Did I want to be a change agent? Or did I want to settle?I wrestled between my two options.
It felt almost easier to settle even though I KNEW I’d regret it later. But I almost didn’t care. I had started to allow my kryptonite handicap in that environment to trump the bigness within my own spirit.
But God wasn’t having it.
He knew me better than I knew myself. He knew I needed and wanted Him to remind me of who I was.
So He intervened.
As I walked through the tables during a session break, I heard something fall off a table close by. I looked all around the near vicinity in response but NOTHING appeared to have fallen. So I kept walking. Then I heard something else tumble and fall. Again, I looked around me to locate the dropped item. Nothing. Everything on the surrounding tables and floor was in its proper place.
Frustrated and confused, I finally blurted out to a friend who was standing nearby—“Why do I keep hearing things drop but I can’t find anything?”
And then the BEAUTIFUL hijacking-moment occurred—“It’s because of all the gold that’s falling out of your pockets that you’re supposed to give away”, she vehemently proclaimed.
Both of our mouths fell open. Both of us started to laugh. Because we KNEW what had just happened. God had hijacked her mouth and what she had said didn’t go through her brain at ALL.
She didn’t know I was stuck because I didn’t tell anyone.
Nobody knew that I had been struggling between bigness or smallness. But God did. And He rescued me out of my wrestling match. Because it mattered to God whether I stayed big or small. And knowing that it mattered to Him in that moment gave me the courage to choose bigness—even in the midst of a kryptonite environment.
It was a layered message. I HAD dropped the ball. And His words were both a reminder of the treasure that I carried from Him and His endorsement of me; as well as His gentle course-correction in telling me that I had been turning my own power inward and hurting myself, rather than turning it outward and being life-giving to others.
God wanted me to get back in the game. And so I did.
I chose bigness after all.
Some pretty cool stories happened after that. Stories that I’m still savoring. Stories that ignited a spark of passion and healing in the lives of others. Stories that brought me to awe.
And to think that I could have missed all of those by staying in handicap land and hiding my light.
Kryptonite ain’t got nothing on God.